Early 20's: Potential Alcoholism, Dating Apps & Kitten Heels?
Not enough repeat episodes of the Kardashians or spiritual self help books could prepare me for this fucked up world, which I am wholeheartedly in awe with. From various sources, I've been told after 21, being in your early 20's really isn't a big deal, besides stating the obvious. Yes, there is a potential possibility of becoming a legal alcoholic in front of your family, yet I'm sure many of us have gotten a head start on that ages ago. But, first of all, what the fuck guys? A plethora of things have changed. At 22 , I can proudly say, I make my oatmeal completely different, I'm officially a Trader Joes kind of gal ( though I am a sucker for Whole Food's hot food bar & green juice selection) , I publicly rollerblade, and the last time I smoked weed I did not have an anxiety attack. To top it off I'm now obsessed with Lena Dunham and I don't cringe when I hear the word "sex" or "clitoris". In fact, they're staples in my expanded vocabulary. I think I'm officially a grown up, or working towards it.
Even my vision boards are more grown up; they're not plastered with material items I want, yet instead Buddha and health quotes, traveling, and how I envision my ideal relationship to be. There wasn't enough room for me to fit in my $60,000 The Row backpack, so I made an executive decision to not include it at all, which is extremely adult-‐like of me. The things that used to matter most to me are almost extraneous. For instance, I don't even peruse collections during fashion week, maybe it's the normcore gal in me. I'm like anti-‐Lincoln Center these days. Like what really is a fashion week unless we're talking about an Alexander Wang after party? Though I am a complete sucker for a Tim Blanks review, Style.com isn't even my favorites anymore, and I get push notifications from the New York Times. I don't read them, but it's a start, I think soon I'll catch up on what's going on..there's always shit going on in the world! Even my perspectives on kitten heels have changed. My reaction has evolved from "Eww what the fuck are you wearing?" to " You know what sister? Rock those 2 inches if they make you happy!". Seeing the Olsens in a pair altered this life change, but we all need guidance.
My social life, that in fact never existed, made some minor changes. Underground rap concerts in small, sweaty venues aren’t even appealing to me anymore. It’s really rare to find a nice, wholesome man there. None of them even know what Shabbat is. Instead, I’m at like super artsy rooftop parties drinking $21 cocktails listening to dance music, it’s my new look. Instead of getting hit on by rappers, it’s more like marketing guys who feel the need to ask me if I’m wearing anything under my leather skirt in 80 degree weather. Note, this has happened, and he was from the Bronx if that matters at all. I’ve strayed away from men in ripped super skinny jeans covered in tattoos, I’m hopeful to find a David Beckham-‐esque type. Maybe I should start attending mixers? Tinder? Isn’t that what adults do? Dating in your early twenty's is whole different ball park. I pay a lot more attention to receding hairlines, complex personality disorders and anything that could affect my unborn child that I could potentially have with someone as a wife one day. I've also completely changed my lifestyle regarding exercise and things that I consume. I have a feeling that I'll end up married within the next few years, so why wait until it's time for me to get married to begin working out so I can look good in a dress? Why not start getting fit now and effortlessly be able to try on dresses years down the line, with limited borderline wrist-‐slitting crying rages? I also fear being pregnant and no one knowing that I'm pregnant because my ginormous stomach carrying a baby angel fits in with the remainder of my body. That's not okay. I promise you those are not the only reasons behind my current lifestyle change but it's really a great personal justification. I have dreams of getting married in custom Dior and my current back rolls aren't part of the plan.
I feel like this was all a set up. I’m almost convinced that there’s a secret society of people that literally prey on 20 year olds to tell them that life will practically suck and/or stay the same once you hit the big 2-‐1. Let me be the first honest citizen to tell you, life is way more fulfilling at 22 however, keep in mind life is always what you make of it. The only thing that I have not attracted is any straight female friends, perhaps I have to wait until 23. 23 may secretly be the year of having a social life with more straight people. Though, I do have limitations: I refuse to be at Tao, 1OAK or Avenue every weekend, and no hookah.JK, I love hookah and encourage everyone to participate in such "thotish" activities. Needless to say, I thank each and every nonchalant asshole that warned me that life would not change after turning 21. Thank you for not selling me a dream.