AMBER J. FINNEY

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Early 20's: Potential Alcoholism, Dating Apps & Kitten Heels?

Not  enough  repeat  episodes  of  the  Kardashians  or  spiritual  self  help  books  could   prepare  me  for  this  fucked  up  world,  which  I  am  wholeheartedly  in  awe  with.  From   various  sources,  I've  been  told  after 21, being in your early 20's really  isn't  a  big  deal,  besides  stating  the   obvious.  Yes,  there  is  a  potential  possibility  of  becoming  a  legal  alcoholic  in  front  of   your  family,  yet  I'm  sure  many  of  us  have  gotten  a  head  start  on  that  ages  ago.  But,   first  of  all,  what  the  fuck  guys?  A  plethora  of  things  have  changed.   At 22 , I can proudly say, I   make  my  oatmeal  completely  different,  I'm  officially  a  Trader  Joes  kind  of  gal  (   though  I  am  a  sucker  for  Whole  Food's  hot  food  bar  &  green  juice  selection)  ,  I   publicly  rollerblade,  and  the  last  time  I  smoked  weed  I  did  not  have  an  anxiety   attack.  To  top  it  off  I'm  now  obsessed  with  Lena  Dunham  and  I  don't  cringe  when  I   hear  the  word  "sex"  or  "clitoris". In fact, they're staples in my expanded vocabulary.  I  think  I'm  officially  a  grown  up,  or  working   towards  it.  

Even  my  vision  boards  are  more  grown  up;  they're  not  plastered  with  material   items  I  want,  yet  instead  Buddha  and  health  quotes,  traveling,  and  how  I  envision   my  ideal  relationship  to  be.  There  wasn't  enough  room  for  me  to  fit  in  my  $60,000   The  Row  backpack,  so  I  made  an  executive  decision  to  not  include  it  at  all,  which  is   extremely  adult-­‐like  of  me.  The  things  that  used  to  matter  most  to  me  are  almost   extraneous.  For  instance,  I  don't  even  peruse  collections  during  fashion  week,   maybe  it's  the  normcore  gal  in  me.  I'm  like  anti-­‐Lincoln  Center  these  days.  Like  what   really  is  a  fashion  week  unless  we're  talking  about  an  Alexander  Wang  after  party?   Though  I  am  a  complete  sucker  for  a  Tim  Blanks  review,  Style.com  isn't  even  my   favorites  anymore,  and  I  get  push  notifications  from  the  New  York  Times.  I  don't   read  them,  but  it's  a  start,  I  think  soon  I'll  catch  up  on  what's  going  on..there's   always  shit  going  on  in  the  world!  Even  my  perspectives  on  kitten  heels  have   changed.  My  reaction  has  evolved  from  "Eww  what  the  fuck  are  you  wearing?"  to  "   You  know  what  sister?  Rock  those  2  inches  if  they  make  you  happy!".  Seeing  the   Olsens  in  a  pair  altered  this  life  change,  but  we  all  need  guidance.       

My  social  life,  that  in  fact  never  existed,  made  some  minor  changes.  Underground   rap  concerts  in  small,  sweaty  venues  aren’t  even  appealing  to  me  anymore.  It’s   really  rare  to  find  a  nice,  wholesome  man  there.  None  of  them  even  know  what   Shabbat  is.    Instead,  I’m  at  like  super  artsy  rooftop  parties  drinking  $21  cocktails   listening  to  dance  music,  it’s  my  new  look.  Instead  of  getting  hit  on  by  rappers,  it’s   more  like  marketing  guys  who  feel  the  need  to  ask  me  if  I’m  wearing  anything  under   my  leather  skirt  in  80  degree  weather. Note, this has happened, and he was from the Bronx if that matters at all.  I’ve  strayed  away  from  men  in  ripped  super   skinny  jeans  covered  in  tattoos,  I’m  hopeful  to  find  a  David  Beckham-­‐esque  type.   Maybe  I  should  start  attending  mixers? Tinder? Isn’t  that  what  adults  do?   Dating  in your early twenty's is  whole  different  ball  park.  I  pay  a  lot  more  attention  to  receding   hairlines,  complex  personality  disorders  and  anything  that  could  affect  my  unborn   child  that  I  could  potentially  have  with  someone  as  a  wife  one  day.   I've  also  completely  changed  my  lifestyle  regarding  exercise  and  things  that  I consume.  I  have  a  feeling  that  I'll  end  up  married  within  the  next  few  years,  so  why   wait  until  it's  time  for  me  to  get  married  to  begin  working  out  so  I  can  look  good  in  a   dress?  Why  not  start  getting  fit  now  and  effortlessly  be  able  to  try  on  dresses  years   down  the  line,  with  limited  borderline  wrist-­‐slitting  crying  rages?  I  also  fear  being   pregnant  and  no  one  knowing  that  I'm  pregnant  because  my  ginormous  stomach   carrying  a  baby  angel  fits  in  with  the  remainder  of  my  body.  That's  not  okay.  I   promise  you  those  are  not  the  only  reasons  behind  my  current  lifestyle  change  but   it's  really  a  great  personal  justification.  I  have  dreams  of  getting  married  in  custom   Dior  and  my  current  back  rolls  aren't  part  of  the  plan.    

I  feel  like  this  was  all  a  set  up.  I’m  almost  convinced  that  there’s  a  secret  society  of   people  that  literally  prey  on  20  year  olds  to  tell  them  that  life  will  practically  suck   and/or  stay  the  same  once  you  hit  the  big  2-­‐1.  Let  me  be  the  first  honest  citizen  to   tell  you,  life  is  way  more  fulfilling  at  22  however,  keep  in  mind  life  is  always  what   you  make  of  it.  The  only  thing  that  I  have  not  attracted  is  any  straight  female  friends,   perhaps  I  have  to  wait  until  23. 23  may  secretly  be  the  year  of  having  a  social  life   with  more straight  people.  Though,  I  do  have  limitations:  I  refuse  to  be  at  Tao,  1OAK  or   Avenue  every  weekend,  and  no  hookah.JK, I love hookah and encourage everyone to participate in such "thotish" activities.   Needless  to  say,  I  thank  each  and  every   nonchalant  asshole  that  warned  me  that  life  would  not  change after turning 21.  Thank  you  for  not   selling  me  a  dream.     

Amber FinneyComment